Separation, divorce and breakups are happening left, right, and centre. We see it happening so often at the moment that most of us are even scared of being in a relationship. Furthermore, seeing people breaking up is hard, especially when they are so close to us; when we thought that they were so in love that nothing would break them.

Most of the time couples grow apart, and instead of loving each other as lovers, they end up loving each other as friends. Sometimes, they grow apart so much that they even turn into enemies. But I wonder how it is possible for someone to be so in love one day and so in hate the next.

After 25 years of life, I am now in my first, official, and real relationship. It was not easy. I thought I would never find the one. I thought that the love our grandparents have is non-existent nowadays. I thought that I would be better off alone. But this was far from the truth. Being in a relationship after all those years I spent being single is not easy. I never had previous relationships that I could learn from. I always thought that I was better off
on my own, so dealing with someone was both complex and tiresome. After plenty of arguments, trying to work things out, and figuring out each other, I now know what it takes to be a great partner to the love of my life.

BEING A GREAT PARTNER-Brenda casha- Vida Magazine Nov

Only you know yourself, inside and out. You know all your deepest darkest secrets, you know your strengths and weakness, and you ultimately, know what you deserve. Love yourself enough to never settle for less. You cannot be a great partner yourself if you are with someone who doesn’t deserve you, and who treats you badly.

Any relationship, be it with your parents, with your colleague, manager, friend, or lover needs work. It is a given that things rarely just work out well and beautifully without a
lot of communication, and without sharing functions in the relationship. My boyfriend and I take some time during the month to reflect on our relationship. We speak about the things we didn’t like, and the things we loved during that month. During the following month we simply try to do the things we didn’t like less, and the things that we love more. It just takes time, effort, and enthusiasm to make a relationship work out.

” I’ve
realised that the more we have sex, the less we argue. On the
contrary, the less we argue, the more we have sex. “

I take the time to appreciate my boyfriend for every little good thing that he does. I make sure that the little and big efforts do not go unnoticed. I also take the time to send him a long message throughout the day to show him how much I appreciate him and our relationship. When he sends a selfie, I make sure to let him know that I think he is handsome. When it’s his birthday, or any other special occasion, I make the effort to make him a handmade card, and give him the most valuable gift of all; my time. Sometimes I do not feel like having sex after a whole day at work, or after having run a lot of errands. It is not because I do not love my boyfriend, but it seems that in general, I am less into the mood than he is. Furthermore, this seems to be a situation that hits home for a lot of women, as it is scientifically proven that women have lower libido than men. However, this year I’ve realised that the more we have sex, the less we argue. On the contrary, the less we argue, the more we have sex.

I wrote this point in the present and future tense because it is something that I haven’t fully perfected yet it is normal to find weaknesses and things that we don’t like in our partners because we are all different as human beings. It is also very normal to try to control our partners to become who we want them to be. However, this has to stop. We need to appreciate them and love them for who they are.

We find losing our phone in today’s society harder than losing our partner. We tend to give up on our partners easily, and break up once we find flaws in them. However, although we think we may love our partner, letting go of them so easily shows that we might not have loved them as much as we thought. They have flaws, but so do we. They aren’t perfect, but neither are we. We need to stop looking for perfection because we’ll never find it.
We need to stop loving our partners half-heartedly, until we come across someone better, or until they make a mistake. We need to love our partners fully, and unconditionally, or not love them at all.

This is what it took for me to be a loving, great partner to my boyfriend. Of course, the same needs to come from our partners too, for a relationship to work out. We are all imperfect. We all make mistakes, and we all argue because we are all different after all. But it is of utmost importance to be with someone who allows you to make mistakes and forgives you for them. It is of utmost importance to be with someone who fights for you.
It is of utmost importance to be with someone who, putting it simply, wants to be with you. Don’t settle for less because there is someone for everyone.

Brenda Casha

© 2018 – VIDA Magazine